Is there someone with whom you have built up a barrier to communication?
Perhaps you reached an impasse years ago and still work with this person. Perhaps you know what you want to say and do not feel you can say it, or maybe you are not clear at all. For whatever reason, there's a wall between you.
It's hard to talk with him or her, and it's different from the many work relationships where you and others get along fine.
If you would prefer that the wall weren't there, here are some steps to take.
First, what are your assumptions? We commonly assume that the correct solutions are obvious, the other person's position is unchangeable, that they are not rational, and that we have no responsibility for the breakdown.
Recognizing and questioning those assumptions can open the door for dialogue.
The next important step is to be careful NOT to jump in and give a good explanation of where you are coming from. Invite a conversation and then listen.
Listening through what the other person has to say may be difficult. Listen without interrupting, and with empathy.
If you find you are not able to listen through, take time to reflect. Maybe take out a piece of paper and write out your thoughts. Speak with a friend or communication coach to sort out what's in the way and to build the skill of listening well.
If you can do this, there are few barriers to communication that will stand.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Now and the Future
It’s easy to see that what we do today is creating our future. How else will we get where we want to go?
Since the only time we can take action is now, everything is really about the immediate moment.
We can take action in the present and have a sense, however clear or hazy, of where we want to go. The more we sense that today’s actions are leading toward a future we want, the more creative and productive we feel.
Radio host and psychic Hollis Polk recently pointed out a useful distinction in thinking about the present and the future. She said that sometimes we have a long-term goal that conflicts with our short-term reality. There may be times that NOT taking a step is a better choice, when other priorities are more important.
Wow. Do you, like me, criticize yourself for not achieving all your goals at once? I value my strategy of taking small steps toward major goals, and being consistent, so that I will reach the end. I have been revising our book, Smart Work, it seems for a long time now.
The most recent step has been to ask for feedback from readers. While that happens, I am not working on the book as consistently as I was. In the short term, this allows me to get some other projects under way. It also gives me a chance to return to editing the book with new perspective. I hope the product will be much improved.
With Hollis’s suggestion of separating the long-term goal and the immediate priorities, it’s easier to hush the internal nagging. In the bigger picture, progress is being made.
There are plenty of things I can do today that also lead to my long-term goals. One of them is to bring more clarity to what else I want to have in play when the book comes out.
Most readers of this column will recognize that inner push to achieve that can get us overly focused on a particular outcome. Even if I am not procrastinating, there is more to do than I have time for. It can feel like constant pressure. None of my tasks is more fun or comes out better because I am under pressure.
If I stop to breathe, feel gratitude in the present moment, and reflect on the bigger picture of who I am and what I want to do, I am getting somewhere too.
Remember that the connection between the short-term and the long-term does not have to be linear.
Enjoy your summer!
Since the only time we can take action is now, everything is really about the immediate moment.
We can take action in the present and have a sense, however clear or hazy, of where we want to go. The more we sense that today’s actions are leading toward a future we want, the more creative and productive we feel.
Radio host and psychic Hollis Polk recently pointed out a useful distinction in thinking about the present and the future. She said that sometimes we have a long-term goal that conflicts with our short-term reality. There may be times that NOT taking a step is a better choice, when other priorities are more important.
Wow. Do you, like me, criticize yourself for not achieving all your goals at once? I value my strategy of taking small steps toward major goals, and being consistent, so that I will reach the end. I have been revising our book, Smart Work, it seems for a long time now.
The most recent step has been to ask for feedback from readers. While that happens, I am not working on the book as consistently as I was. In the short term, this allows me to get some other projects under way. It also gives me a chance to return to editing the book with new perspective. I hope the product will be much improved.
With Hollis’s suggestion of separating the long-term goal and the immediate priorities, it’s easier to hush the internal nagging. In the bigger picture, progress is being made.
There are plenty of things I can do today that also lead to my long-term goals. One of them is to bring more clarity to what else I want to have in play when the book comes out.
Most readers of this column will recognize that inner push to achieve that can get us overly focused on a particular outcome. Even if I am not procrastinating, there is more to do than I have time for. It can feel like constant pressure. None of my tasks is more fun or comes out better because I am under pressure.
If I stop to breathe, feel gratitude in the present moment, and reflect on the bigger picture of who I am and what I want to do, I am getting somewhere too.
Remember that the connection between the short-term and the long-term does not have to be linear.
Enjoy your summer!
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