Knowing Our Limits

Finding the edge without falling over
If you set high expectations for yourself, you push until you reach a limit. It could be that you run out of time, or knowledge, or stamina. It could be that something breaks or doesn't work for what you need. This is part of everyday life for all of us in the techno-business-media world.

We live in narratives of unlimited possibility - you can do or be anything you set your mind to. And we have our limitations. How do we balance on the edge?
We are amazing creatures, to be able to manage the systems we deal with on a daily basis. Just think of all you have navigated so far today: car, computer (or several), cellphone. Did you visit Facebook or LinkedIn, and go through your email? Did you use a spreadsheet, a calendar, presentation software, and a word processor? And communicate effectively with family members and co-workers both near and far?
Last week I was listening to a talk about expanding our awareness and our recognition of how multidimensional we are. Later, in yoga class, the teacher asked us to hold the entire field of our body and all our sensations in mind at once. It was very enjoyable to feel the energy and potential available.

In my moment of expanded self-awareness, I decided that I would like to increase my compassion– beginning with kindness to myself as I held the more difficult poses!

Given the limitations of what I could physically perform, I was aware of my frustration and self-criticism. Pushing oneself in yoga or in any form of workout is a great chance to observe both limitations and how we respond to them. Often the frustration is something we just tolerate, without awareness or conscious choice.

When we are up against technology, i.e. computers and electronic communication, we get to deal with other kinds of limits. We are so blessed to have these extensions in the first place, and then we get to deal with their limitations!
In the flow of working on a team project, I received several email messages about attachments I had sent, due to having used Oracle's (formerly Sun's) Open Office program. I had not remembered that whenever I use this software I have to save it into the dominant software format for others to read it.
I imagined a dialogue with the makers of Open Office. They have certainly done their best to get their free software out there – no doubt working hard to make it compatible with other programs, enticing corporate customers to adopt it as a standard, asking for feedback. Yet, there are limits to their reach, which cascade out to their users and the users' networks. Their competitors are clearly not on board, not even offering to convert the files.

When confronted with these limits, we choose the workarounds that we can find most easily. Sometimes we jump through a lot of hoops to get from point A to point B.

In this material / technological world, no one knows enough to manage all of the systems. If we tried to learn them all, we would run into the limitation of time anyway. We just can't.

Whether the limitations are due to history (we can't change the programs too much or they won't be able to read earlier versions) or technical capabilities or competitive strategies or human frailty, we will keep encountering them as part of the overhead of progress.

Eric Berrne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, said that we are motivated by thinking we are irresistible, immortal, or omnipotent. Advertisers know this. It's popular to act as if there are no limits. Especially if you buy their product, subscribe to the belief system, attend their training.

Ironically, I like to quote Richard Bach's famous line, "Argue for your limitations, and they are yours." Today the message is more about gentleness and tolerance.

When we experience limitations we are reminded that we are not omnipotent. In fact, we live in a world so complex that we must overcome apparent limits all the time.

Without lapsing into self-pity, we can stop the criticism and channel the frustration. Despite the transformational hype, the limits to what we can do are not a reflection of inadequacy.

Rather, they can serve as reminders to be compassionate to ourselves and others, and to ask for help, sooner rather than later. One of the most valuable skills of a good coach is to help clarify our priorities. We will not overcome every limitation, and we need to address the ones that really keep us from the joy and satisfaction we seek.

As I began to put this together, reflecting on our limitations, the power went out. The full realization of our interdependence - and our shared limitations - comes when some system that we depend upon breaks down. I could still type on the one computer that had Open Office, as it was charged up. Couldn't get to anything on the desktop computers or online. This time I could get to the workaround and laugh about the coincidence of timing.

My hope is that as we are faced with many challenges and limitations, the seemingly individual ones and the collective ones, we will have enough humor and compassion to untangle ourselves and focus on what's really important - and what we CAN do.