DON'T Solve That Problem!

Is problem-solving part of your job? If your answer is "Of course!" you may benefit from looking again before jumping into fix-it mode. 

When we pride ourselves on being great problem-solvers, we may be missing out on the value our problems have for us. That sounds like a weird thing to say: of course, we want problems solved.

 

If we are good at solving a particular kind of problem, we are motivated when we see one of those. We perk right up and do what we usually do to solve problems. "Oh, yes, I know how to deal with this." 

It's likely we will get to solve that kind of problem over and over again. Or we could be solving the wrong problem, as did the designer who only put the legally required number of lifeboats on the Titanic so the deck would not be cluttered. 

Let's slow the process down for a moment. Something has emerged from the flow of work that is labeled a "problem."

 

How do you react when you see, hear, or feel that there is a problem? How does that affect the outcome?

 

The crucial first few moments have a huge impact on how this is going to go. Skillful leaders train themselves to make the most of those moments.

 

Whether you are solving business problems, technical problems, personal problems, or all of the above, extract all the juice from them. 

 

One or more of these ideas may yield an easier or more effective way forward or an unexpected gift.  Choose a worthwhile problem and before you send that email or call that meeting, consider:  

 

Assumptions

Notice your immediate assumptions and conclusions. What seems obvious? What other interpretation could there be? In his recent book,Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman points out that our automatic mind filters out whatever doesn't fit our assumptions. We don't question them, so there is an amazing amount outside of our awareness. As he puts it, "What you see is all there is." Reduce blind spots by actively questioning assumptions. For instance, ask "What's important to us about this?"

Emotional Intelligence  Pause and check your feelings. What are they telling you? In addition to your here-and-now response to the situation, what else is triggered? Is there an emotional charge about this? You can use this situation to bring up and clear feelings you have about this situation or similar ones in the past.  

 

Root Cause

What allows this problem to exist? Is there something we can change upstream that will prevent this from happening? Can we solve it so it doesn't occur again? It's even worth asking whether there's some psychological or political gain in keeping things the way they are. If so, is it time for that to change?

 

What If?

Ask "What if...", for example,

What if this doesn't actually belong to me? What if I don't do anything? What if I do something totally different this time?

 

Even if you don't act on the "what if's" they can free up your thinking. 

 

Desired Outcome

Reframe the problem as an outcome. 

What do I / we want?

What will that get us?

How will we know when we get there? 

In SYNTAX we encourage ourselves to ask these questions for any significant action.

 

Gratitude

The fact that the problem has become known is a gift. Perhaps it brought up something important to talk about. Or opened a door to a new possibility. What is the positive intention that led to this problem? Is there a way to honor that intention and find a better alternative?

 

However it turns out, since this problem has had the nerve to come into your life, make it pay. When you have squeezed more out of this breakdown than you may have expected, OK. Go ahead and fix it!

How to Get Out of the Drama

We say we don’t want drama in our lives, especially in our interactions at work. Drama usually means unpleasantness, frustration, conflict, lack of productivity.

If it meant “real drama,” i.e. the joy and sadness of life, or dramatic performances that make us feel and reflect, it would be OK. It’s the unnecessary drama, the interpersonal politics, the constant irritants that we don’t want. They take up energy and distract us from getting important things done.

WHY is there drama?

As any team member or manager knows, people tend to play non-productive games in times of stress, when they feel threatened, or when they are bored.

Some people can stir up tension with remarkable regularity. Others fall into drama in response to triggers such as layoffs, new policies, rumors of closings or reorganizations, complaints, and either getting too much direction or too little, either too much feedback or too little.

In other words, workplace drama has plenty of possible material. If asked, most people would say they don’t participate or don’t want to.

We all play games some of the time.

Few people are skillful at recognizing their own hooks that get games started or keep them going. Dr. Eric Berne’s 1962 bestseller, Games People Play, named this phenomenon and began to provide clues to getting out of the drama. His student, Dr. Steve Karpman, contributed the Karpman Drama Triangle, capturing the three main roles of Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim, which we all play when we engage in games. And yes, we all do engage in games some of the time.

The more hooked we are, the harder it may be to recognize that we are indeed participating. It is helpful in avoiding games to be very open to recognizing how we are hooked and the roles we play out.

Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim Roles

If we are overtly critical and harsh with others, we are playing the Persecutor role. If we are often going out of our way to fix and solve things for others at our own expense, we are playing the Rescuer. If we keep finding that people let us down and we get the short end of the stick, we know something of the Victim.

As a rule, we do not want to see it when we are hooked, so it can take active investigation to uncover how we are keeping an undesirable situation going. All these roles can come in socially acceptable disguises.

If something’s happening that is non-productive, especially if it seems repetitive, it’s likely that people are playing all the roles; Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor; in some way.

Dissolve the myths

The way out of the drama begins with yourself. You have to dissolve the myths that go with the roles, usually beliefs that diminish your ability to stay positive and get on with it.

· To move out of Persecutor, you might have to see that the other person’s point of view makes some sense too.

· Moving out of Rescuer might mean saying a difficult “No.”

· Whenever you think you are someone else’s Victim, remember how you got here and what choices you are making now.

Almost always, drama conceals feelings and wishes that have not been communicated. Unspoken requests and expectations leave room for people to create their own dramas, feeling judged and thus victimized, or judging others from a persecuting or rescuing perspective.

Clarify requests and agreements

A very good bet for stepping out of the drama and on to whatever is next is to clarify any requests or agreements that you have with the other person. “You agreed to have that report done by today and I haven’t seen anything about it so far. Is it under way?” is a lot better than worrying and glaring, and having the other person spend their time figuring out what you might be upset about.

A genuine tone of clarifying, rather than a disguised Persecutor or Rescuer attitude, will come across as intended. If you step into the other person’s shoes and listen from their standpoint, you can probably tell if you are coming across with a hint of judgment.
This is the hardest and most important part of stopping drama -- owning your part of it.

Don’t see your part of it?

When your part is hard to figure out, and the drama is continuing, it is time to ask a friend or a professional for coaching. Someone else’s observations may help you recognize the unintended, unconscious, but still active, ways that you are participating, and help you see new options.

One thing for sure: if you blame the situation or the other person and don’t find new actions for yourself to take, your claim not to want the drama doesn’t hold up.

Once you, and hopefully, the other person, are out of the cycle of drama, it might be worth a good laugh and a reminder not to take anything too seriously.

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