Small efforts make a big difference
We may take for granted the extent that we rely on good communication to get things done every day. The central skill of people who are great to work with is excellent communication. They are able to
articulate goals
build rapport
make clear requests
keep their agreements
provide information that is low on distortion and high in relevant detail
pay attention to results and learn as they go.
What does it take to be one of these people? It takes a mindset that breaks away from much of our cultural / business programming, and overrides reptilian responses. It takes a willingness to back good intentions with conscious attention.
This is radical. Radical means going to the root. If we keep in mind the purpose of our communication -- i.e. go to the root -- and focus on what will forward the action, we are aligned and powerful.
I work on a number of committees and teams, as I am sure you do. Everyone's time is tight. We are all dealing with life stresses, some more than others. This pressure, along with inner voices such as, "Don't rock the boat," "It's not my job,"or "They should know this already," lets us off the hook.
It's not that we need to carry others' responsibilities, just raise the bar for ourselves, creating ripples of rapport and accuracy rather than conflict and confusion. If you care about the results and have the courage to act, even in little ways, you can help create the kind of workplace where people want to do their best.
If we willingly take one extra step to do any one of the following when we see an opportunity, that radical act can change the outcome.
We can:
include relevant details
provide a sentence of background
turn a complaint into a clear request
pause to get in sync with another's tempo
read colleagues' messages all the way through before replying
prepare an agenda or a summary
express sincere appreciation
think ahead about what we want out of the conversation
ask the other person what they want out of the conversation
find out how to spell their name
send copies to those who need to know and take off the "reply all" addresses who don't need it
bring attention back to the goal of the conversation
I know, it's a lot to ask...really??
Even those small actions that are unsung or don't seem to make a difference in the moment are activating good will and generosity, at least for us. And most likely taking annoyance and stress down a notch or two.
Unless, of course, we do any of these actions with an attitude of smugness. No one likes a righteous radical!
If radical cooperation catches on, who knows, we might start having a ridiculous amount of success and fun getting things done. Go ahead, do something radical today!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Deletion, Distortion, Generalization
Universal modeling processes can work to your advantage
Professional communicators who know how to use the brain's process of filtering information can achieve a broad range of goals elegantly.
As neurolinguistic programming (NLP) points out; deletion, distortion, and generalization take place as we express ourselves, and again as we take in what others say. We leave out detail, shift things around, and turn instances into generalities.
As I listened to the State of the Union address last week, I was fascinated by what is left in and what is left out of a speech like that. The polls were positive, evidence of the artistry of striking the right chords.
While there were a few specifics, such as human interest stories about invited heroes, most of the speech consisted of nominalizations and other deletions, distortions, and generalizations. This is appropriate for a speech to millions of biased listeners. The words had to be general enough to fit many mindsets and yet carry a sense of substance.
We are all biased listeners and so are our clients. The words we use resonate for others based on their personal history, not ours.
Our shared history - and perhaps shared culture and assumptions - allow us to interpret each others' meaning surprisingly well.
When you put in more specifics you are transmitting more of your experiences and thoughts. When you delete specifics, you are leaving the other person more room for their own experiences. Which one you want to do depends on your purpose.
When I am working with someone about an aspect of their experience, I can refer to it without knowing it in detail. I can trust them to know what it is. We can have a conversation about "the most important thing you learned" without my knowing details about what they learned. The other person knows. If they want to share more detail, they can do so.
Read More
This works with groups also: I want to bring out a certain quality or feeling, so I refer to it in a way that each audience member can easily find an equivalent.
We all vary the level of specifics in our conversations, depending on the purpose of the conversation.
Coaches, speakers, negotiators, leaders, can leverage the motivation of their audiences by balancing the use of detail and stories with the use of evocative generalizations. The great hypnotherapist, Milton Erickson, MD, is widely studied for his mastery of this skill.
When we want to tune in to another's specific experience we can ask questions that retrieve deleted information and break up generalizations. This often opens doors to hidden solutions.
Whatever our purpose, it is wise to consider how we can best use the structure of language to access the resources to accomplish it.
Professional communicators who know how to use the brain's process of filtering information can achieve a broad range of goals elegantly.
As neurolinguistic programming (NLP) points out; deletion, distortion, and generalization take place as we express ourselves, and again as we take in what others say. We leave out detail, shift things around, and turn instances into generalities.
As I listened to the State of the Union address last week, I was fascinated by what is left in and what is left out of a speech like that. The polls were positive, evidence of the artistry of striking the right chords.
While there were a few specifics, such as human interest stories about invited heroes, most of the speech consisted of nominalizations and other deletions, distortions, and generalizations. This is appropriate for a speech to millions of biased listeners. The words had to be general enough to fit many mindsets and yet carry a sense of substance.
We are all biased listeners and so are our clients. The words we use resonate for others based on their personal history, not ours.
Our shared history - and perhaps shared culture and assumptions - allow us to interpret each others' meaning surprisingly well.
When you put in more specifics you are transmitting more of your experiences and thoughts. When you delete specifics, you are leaving the other person more room for their own experiences. Which one you want to do depends on your purpose.
When I am working with someone about an aspect of their experience, I can refer to it without knowing it in detail. I can trust them to know what it is. We can have a conversation about "the most important thing you learned" without my knowing details about what they learned. The other person knows. If they want to share more detail, they can do so.
Read More
This works with groups also: I want to bring out a certain quality or feeling, so I refer to it in a way that each audience member can easily find an equivalent.
We all vary the level of specifics in our conversations, depending on the purpose of the conversation.
Coaches, speakers, negotiators, leaders, can leverage the motivation of their audiences by balancing the use of detail and stories with the use of evocative generalizations. The great hypnotherapist, Milton Erickson, MD, is widely studied for his mastery of this skill.
When we want to tune in to another's specific experience we can ask questions that retrieve deleted information and break up generalizations. This often opens doors to hidden solutions.
Whatever our purpose, it is wise to consider how we can best use the structure of language to access the resources to accomplish it.
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